Divorce statistics have been steadily escalating in recent years. We at savemymarriagetoday.com believe that before your marriage becomes just another number, there are steps you can take to actually build a strong, stable marriage and avoid divorce. Here are some summarized from our popular e-book “6 Most Common Reasons for Divorce… and How to Stop Them From Happening to You!”
1. Start by understanding and being informed.
You can never be too informed about tools, methods and studies about building successful marriages. Understand the risk factors like your age and maturity at marriage can determine how successful it will be, the anatomy of an affair and what you can do after infidelity. Understand the success factors like the personal and psychological circumstances that will influence your marriage, what are the tools and approaches available to you in dealing with conflict, and numerous other relevant data. All this information is readily available to you whether through self-help material, through a counselor, support group or other venues. In fact, we have made it our commitment to provide these to you in different formats to help you make the best marriage you can.
The thing is, remember, this is information is not available for you to begin hyper-psychoanalyzing your relationship, yourself and your partner. It’s not a matter of spewing trivia for the sake of conversation – information is there for you to ponder over and internalize to help you transform yourself and your marriage. That includes maturing to such a point that you become more competent in your knowledge but more prudent in approach.
2. A solid marriage is one in which you never stop putting in effort to make it better and better.
Good marriages are made. They don’t just fall from heaven or off the pages of a romance novel. Unfortunately, many couples still believe that everything will be just fine after the wedding. Well, the wedding may have been absolutely lovely but the hard work of the marriage comes right after!
When the prospect of years together crops up, you just can’t slack off. Nope, it’s not a matter of stressing yourself trying to please your spouse daily. It’s a mutual commitment to be “other-focused”, to communicate, spend time together, plan and set goals as a couple, lay down guidelines and sticking to them, lay down guidelines and knowing when to change them, dealing with kids and other significant relationships and so on. And, don’t forget – keeping up the romance, passion and intimacy in your marriage – even if some days, you both are not in sync. Interestingly, a couple who has put in the effort develop an almost 6th sense about the others needs and desires. Now THAT is effort well worth it.
3. Commitment, commitment, commitment.
Notice that we did not say happiness as one of hey factors in making a successful marriage. It’s not even purely love. You see, happiness comes and goes and takes many forms. Love grows, wanes, develops and is a given in marriage relationship. Commitment, though, is something to invest in, to muster, to understand, to renew from time to time. This is the one constant through the happy and sad times, through the passionate and lovelorn times. Commitment make people want to stay, make them feel they ought to stay, and/or they have to stay.
What many couples don’t realize is that commitment is a decision. It’s an act of choice within one mature individual that translates to how this person will be present for another. It is not a whim nor an extra. It is the true foundation of any relationship.
4. The power lies with you.
I always say that mature individuals make mature, lasting marriages. What people fail to realize is that, in anything, even a love relationship and more so in one, you can take responsibility and choose your actions. When the going gets tough, you have the choice to either react to the situation you’re in or to be swept away by a tide of emotion. When faced by temptation, the temptation will not make you “do it” – you will. It all lies with you. A happy, fulfilling relationship begins with you.
This means that you also have a lot of self-work to do. Work out your issues, mature, learn to love yourself. These are all part of growing up and growing into a successful marriage. Even when your partner has issues of his or her own or buckles under the pressure of a crisis – there is still you.
All in all, what I have outlined here are four broad tips on how to avoid divorce. There are many little details in each tip that you can continue to explore with your spouse as you build a successful marriage.
**********************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.
You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST, PROVEN METHODS and information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results... guaranteed.
You have to go to http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com/ and get this life-changing course.
Because your marriage deserves better!
**********************************************************
Sunday, 26 June 2011
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
How To Get Your Spouse To Love You Again
If your spouse says “I have fallen out of love with you,” don’t panic. You can take charge of the situation and even begin to rekindle your relationship.
You have to start by understanding. It’s very easy for us to connect losing the feelings of being in love with actual loving when it is not really the case. After the initial thrill of romance is gone, couples often find themselves lost and confused. What they don’t realize is that love is not just this heady feeling that carries us away. That feeling has a shelf life. When the prospect of spending years together sets in, the correct question to ask one’s self would be “How now do I love without the initial thrill?”
We have to discover that every relationship has stages:
- falling in love,
- the honeymoon stage,
- chaos or disillusionment,
- then mature love or resolution.
We are very quick to judge that we no longer love someone just because the feelings fade. With proper understanding, we can expect that even if the feeling may not be there, it doesn’t mean we don’t love.
In truth, love is a commitment. It is not just a feeling, it is a doing. A mature person loves by choice and not simply by circumstance.
The next step would be to manage your partner’s feelings or lack thereof by starting with dialogue. Talk about the feelings and find out what happened, where is it coming from? There are numerous tools and methods available for a couple – together or with a counselor/mediator – that would help them examine their present situation. Talk to your spouse and tell him or her that the relationship deserves at the very least, dialogue.
In dialogue, let your spouse talk and you listen. There may be important things you need to learn about your spouse and your marriage. On the other hand, you can also share your own feelings about what is happening. Try not to place blame on your spouse, however, but share your thoughts and feelings by using “I feel…” statements.
In the meantime, do some self-improvement. It is never too late to evolve into a happier, more mature and more lovable person --- even if it’s just something you do for yourself. For all you know, this new you will be more attractive to your spouse and come as a surprise to him or her.
Finally, don’t stop reinforcing your presence in the marriage. Do some positive loving acts for your spouse – without expecting anything in return. These mirror your mature, positive view of what love really is. Make these acts little things. They don’t have to be grand gestures. It’s the everyday things that actually build trust, intimacy and love between couples.
**********************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.
You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST, PROVEN METHODS and information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results... guaranteed.
You have to go to http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com/ and get this life-changing course.
Because your marriage deserves better!
**********************************************************
You have to start by understanding. It’s very easy for us to connect losing the feelings of being in love with actual loving when it is not really the case. After the initial thrill of romance is gone, couples often find themselves lost and confused. What they don’t realize is that love is not just this heady feeling that carries us away. That feeling has a shelf life. When the prospect of spending years together sets in, the correct question to ask one’s self would be “How now do I love without the initial thrill?”
We have to discover that every relationship has stages:
- falling in love,
- the honeymoon stage,
- chaos or disillusionment,
- then mature love or resolution.
We are very quick to judge that we no longer love someone just because the feelings fade. With proper understanding, we can expect that even if the feeling may not be there, it doesn’t mean we don’t love.
In truth, love is a commitment. It is not just a feeling, it is a doing. A mature person loves by choice and not simply by circumstance.
The next step would be to manage your partner’s feelings or lack thereof by starting with dialogue. Talk about the feelings and find out what happened, where is it coming from? There are numerous tools and methods available for a couple – together or with a counselor/mediator – that would help them examine their present situation. Talk to your spouse and tell him or her that the relationship deserves at the very least, dialogue.
In dialogue, let your spouse talk and you listen. There may be important things you need to learn about your spouse and your marriage. On the other hand, you can also share your own feelings about what is happening. Try not to place blame on your spouse, however, but share your thoughts and feelings by using “I feel…” statements.
In the meantime, do some self-improvement. It is never too late to evolve into a happier, more mature and more lovable person --- even if it’s just something you do for yourself. For all you know, this new you will be more attractive to your spouse and come as a surprise to him or her.
Finally, don’t stop reinforcing your presence in the marriage. Do some positive loving acts for your spouse – without expecting anything in return. These mirror your mature, positive view of what love really is. Make these acts little things. They don’t have to be grand gestures. It’s the everyday things that actually build trust, intimacy and love between couples.
**********************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.
You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST, PROVEN METHODS and information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results... guaranteed.
You have to go to http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com/ and get this life-changing course.
Because your marriage deserves better!
**********************************************************
Friday, 10 June 2011
How to Save Your Marriage On Your Own
One of the most common questions we encounter at savemymarriagetoday.com is this: how could one partner save their floundering marriage on their own? It is a typical enough story – one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains “in love”, the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage… ALONE.
In some of our minds, it stands to argue that since there are two people in this marriage, shouldn’t both of us be present to actually try and save it? Or, worse, it’s his, her, their fault so shouldn’t he, she, they be the ones to make amends? I am just the victim here, after all!
We are telling you right now – if you want to save your marriage and if you find yourself alone in this desire, the above will definitely not help you do it -- that type of talk is at the minimum, negative and at most, self-defeating! It propagates the belief that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to save your marriage and you should just let it go down the drain. So not true. There is still something you CAN DO. Even in your loneliness and solitude, you CAN save your marriage.
How? Let’s begin first by examining what it means to be on your own.
As human beings, we hate being alone. After all, it’s part of our make up to be social creatures. In fact, babies develop very early on feelings of trust, companionship and parental support. If they don’t get these, say when they’re hungry we fail to feed them on time, or if they’re wet, we fail to change their diaper, humans develop fears of mistrust, abandonment and solitude. Unfortunately, we carry these fears with us as we get older.
The paradox is that as we grow older in the love, trust, companionship and support of our significant others, we develop an internal strength of self that makes us whole, happy human beings. Ideally, the mature human person should have developed a strong sense of self-awareness, confidence and self-esteem as he or she reaches adulthood. These become the windows with which we view the world, flaws and all. These make up part of our personal shelter amidst challenges and difficulties. This is called SELF-ACTUALIZATION.
However, many of us enter into adult life without even being aware of this beautiful, human truth. We may have experienced abandonment in our childhood or been disappointed by our romantic relationships; whatever it is, it has caused to shift from proper mature development to fears of abandonment and the inability to see that we can stand on our own two feet.
Thus, many of us enter relationships and marriages with the hope, plan and dream that we would never be alone. We invest so much on our partner, focusing our entire beings on them and relying on them to make us happy and secure. Unfortunately, this perspective carries with it its own poison. It’s as if we have blinders on all the time. When our partner indicates some form of dissatisfaction with the relationship, we panic. When our partner leaves, our fears kick in. When something goes wrong with our marriages, it is very easy for us to place the blame of the other person for having made us unhappy.
In order to save your marriage on your own, the key then is a paradigm shift, meaning, the key is to change your attitude and focus. Stop focusing on your partner - stop the blaming, stop the inaction. Take a good look at yourself. You can definitely NOT control your partner’s feelings, attitude and reactions but you can control your own. You can go from fearing abandonment to actually taking responsibility for yourself and your own happiness. This is where the human truth about self-actualization comes in. Understand, adapt and internalize this for yourself. Learn it. It will spell the difference not just in your marriage but in YOU.
A whole human being is easy to love. A happy person attracts happiness. In starting with yourself, you can move from being an unhappy, clingy, difficult person to one who can provide an environment of safety, wisdom, trust and open communication. From hereon, dealing with your straying partner could even get easier – for you and for them. For all you know, you may just surprise each other.
Rather than beat yourself up in desperation, try these:
- Breathe
- Smile
- Let go
- Believe that reconnection is possible
- See a counselor for YOURSELF not just for your marriage
- Examine your part in contributing to the difficulties in your marriage
- Forgive yourself
- Change
- Look after your health, beauty and well-being
For all you know, your partner (and you) may just rediscover the person they first fell in love with and more. For all you know, this is the type of you that would allow your partner to come back and initiate communication. When that happens, you have every opportunity to sit down with him or her, discuss your motivations, plans and feelings. You can even get to the real issues surrounding your marital difficulties and actually begin taking positive steps to work them through.
In being open and mature, you can also provide an environment where love and intimacy can flourish once more. With all the confidence and sincerity you have gathered, take these steps. Plus one more. Even in your separation, conflict or difficulties, find it in you to continue loving your partner and showing him or her that you do. Through little, subtle acts, like preparing a snack for him or her or spending some quality TV time, you can rekindle love in your marriage. They don’t have to be grand gestures, they just have to be sincere. And coming from the mature, new you, they will.
**********************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.
You can't afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST, PROVEN METHODS and information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results... guaranteed.
You have to go to http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com/ and get this life-changing course.
Because your marriage deserves better!
**********************************************************
In some of our minds, it stands to argue that since there are two people in this marriage, shouldn’t both of us be present to actually try and save it? Or, worse, it’s his, her, their fault so shouldn’t he, she, they be the ones to make amends? I am just the victim here, after all!
We are telling you right now – if you want to save your marriage and if you find yourself alone in this desire, the above will definitely not help you do it -- that type of talk is at the minimum, negative and at most, self-defeating! It propagates the belief that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to save your marriage and you should just let it go down the drain. So not true. There is still something you CAN DO. Even in your loneliness and solitude, you CAN save your marriage.
How? Let’s begin first by examining what it means to be on your own.
As human beings, we hate being alone. After all, it’s part of our make up to be social creatures. In fact, babies develop very early on feelings of trust, companionship and parental support. If they don’t get these, say when they’re hungry we fail to feed them on time, or if they’re wet, we fail to change their diaper, humans develop fears of mistrust, abandonment and solitude. Unfortunately, we carry these fears with us as we get older.
The paradox is that as we grow older in the love, trust, companionship and support of our significant others, we develop an internal strength of self that makes us whole, happy human beings. Ideally, the mature human person should have developed a strong sense of self-awareness, confidence and self-esteem as he or she reaches adulthood. These become the windows with which we view the world, flaws and all. These make up part of our personal shelter amidst challenges and difficulties. This is called SELF-ACTUALIZATION.
However, many of us enter into adult life without even being aware of this beautiful, human truth. We may have experienced abandonment in our childhood or been disappointed by our romantic relationships; whatever it is, it has caused to shift from proper mature development to fears of abandonment and the inability to see that we can stand on our own two feet.
Thus, many of us enter relationships and marriages with the hope, plan and dream that we would never be alone. We invest so much on our partner, focusing our entire beings on them and relying on them to make us happy and secure. Unfortunately, this perspective carries with it its own poison. It’s as if we have blinders on all the time. When our partner indicates some form of dissatisfaction with the relationship, we panic. When our partner leaves, our fears kick in. When something goes wrong with our marriages, it is very easy for us to place the blame of the other person for having made us unhappy.
In order to save your marriage on your own, the key then is a paradigm shift, meaning, the key is to change your attitude and focus. Stop focusing on your partner - stop the blaming, stop the inaction. Take a good look at yourself. You can definitely NOT control your partner’s feelings, attitude and reactions but you can control your own. You can go from fearing abandonment to actually taking responsibility for yourself and your own happiness. This is where the human truth about self-actualization comes in. Understand, adapt and internalize this for yourself. Learn it. It will spell the difference not just in your marriage but in YOU.
A whole human being is easy to love. A happy person attracts happiness. In starting with yourself, you can move from being an unhappy, clingy, difficult person to one who can provide an environment of safety, wisdom, trust and open communication. From hereon, dealing with your straying partner could even get easier – for you and for them. For all you know, you may just surprise each other.
Rather than beat yourself up in desperation, try these:
- Breathe
- Smile
- Let go
- Believe that reconnection is possible
- See a counselor for YOURSELF not just for your marriage
- Examine your part in contributing to the difficulties in your marriage
- Forgive yourself
- Change
- Look after your health, beauty and well-being
For all you know, your partner (and you) may just rediscover the person they first fell in love with and more. For all you know, this is the type of you that would allow your partner to come back and initiate communication. When that happens, you have every opportunity to sit down with him or her, discuss your motivations, plans and feelings. You can even get to the real issues surrounding your marital difficulties and actually begin taking positive steps to work them through.
In being open and mature, you can also provide an environment where love and intimacy can flourish once more. With all the confidence and sincerity you have gathered, take these steps. Plus one more. Even in your separation, conflict or difficulties, find it in you to continue loving your partner and showing him or her that you do. Through little, subtle acts, like preparing a snack for him or her or spending some quality TV time, you can rekindle love in your marriage. They don’t have to be grand gestures, they just have to be sincere. And coming from the mature, new you, they will.
**********************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.
You can't afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST, PROVEN METHODS and information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results... guaranteed.
You have to go to http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com/ and get this life-changing course.
Because your marriage deserves better!
**********************************************************
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