Are you married to an addict or someone with deep personal issues?
Is your marriage or family life going through a difficult time because of problems, financial concerns, abuse, or caring for a physically or emotionally handicapped family member?
If so, do you find yourself making excuses for these issues? Calling in sick for your alcoholic husband? Taking over the housework because your poor spouse is just too depressed to help? Denying that abuse is going on in your own home? Do you find yourself taking charge and bearing the burdens of the entire marriage or family?
You may be a codependent and this is a serious issue in marriages and families.
You may have learned to be codependent due to your family background. It happened in your family so you tend to be attracted to the same situation once you marry.
You may have learned behaviors such as making excuses, tuning out, controlling, excessive caretaking, being hyper-vigilant because you feel that you should do something to save your family from shame or to at least diffuse the situation and keep the peace. You also do this because you desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship.
Unfortunately, while such behaviors may reduce conflict and tension for the meantime, they won't help for the long term. All you are doing is reinforcing the situation and even, allowing it to worsen. You are also allowing yourself to be lost within the situation and, in the long run, may find yourself no longer able to cope.
What can you do to overcome codependence in your marriage and family life?
If you are reading this short article and have come to recognize that you do have this problem - congratulations. That is the first step in beginning to overcome codependence. Admit that you have a problem and take steps to begin changing it. It will require both self-help and professional help.
More often than not, these issues stem from deep seated psychological problems. Don’t let shame keep you from seeking the help of a counselor or psychologist. Additionally, there are programs similar to Codependents’ Anonymous that will help you process your issues and provide you with tools how to overcome them.
Your partner or family member may also need professional help, especially if they are battling clinical conditions or addiction. Work at getting them the help they need, whether they want it or not. There are some excellent suggestions in savemymarriagetoday.com's ebook "How to Change Your Partner from Addiction, Even If they don't want to!"
If there is abuse in your home, more radical steps must be taken. For the sake of your own self-respect and for your children, if you have any, break away from the situation. Find a shelter or group that will help you gain your independence and help you through healing and recovery.
Codependents need healing too and, once recognized, you should not allow the situation to continue. Get help.
**********************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.
You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST, PROVEN METHODS and information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results... guaranteed.
You have to go to http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com/ and get this life-changing course.
Because your marriage deserves better!
**********************************************************
Friday, 29 July 2011
Saturday, 16 July 2011
Saving Marriages With Unconditional Love
In the middle of a session the other day I had a powerful realization. I was asked to think of a relationship I had with something in the last week that in my mind was the ideal relationship, and to think of what it was about that relationship that made it ideal.
A number of men in the group thought of their cars, tool sheds, families, workmates, old friends, even relationships with objects such as their television remote, recliner chair, or favorite pair of shoes. To each of these men, these things felt comfortable, and simple. The relationships they had with these people or objects was rewarding and easy to maintain.
When my turn came to identify my ideal relationship, I thought of my dog. My dog has very simple needs, and it is the ultimate ego-boost for me when I get home at night and I am greeted in such an enthusiastic fashion. I don’t know of any others that greet me so enthusiastically night after night. No matter how long I have been away from the house or no matter how my day has been. I call this unconditional love.
So what is unconditional love?
Unconditional love is the type of love that comes without conditions. It is the type of love that you have for your partner when the romantic, hollywood-style love is gone. Once the romantic love is gone you make the transition to "real" love. Real love is love you have for your partner despite the knowledge that they are not perfect. You know your partner has faults. You know your partner is not perfect. You know your partner makes mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay. You still love them. This is unconditional love.
The same thing applies to you however in looking at your partner’s faults. You acknowledge that you are the same. You have faults. You are not perfect. You know you make mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay. That’s called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections that people have.
So what do you get from this then? Should we all go out and get dogs to teach us something about unconditional love? Maybe there is a lesson to be learnt here. We all clutter our lives with trials and tribulations, and there is the temptation to let our issues rule our lives.
But if you are serious about saving your marriage you need to put the clutter to one side and let your unconditional love come through. It is okay to have faults and make mistakes. And love will conquer them all.
Have a think about unconditional love and how you can apply this realization to your relationship.
************************************************************************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.
You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results ... guaranteed.
You have to go to http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com/ and get my course.
Because your marriage deserves better!
*************************************************************************************************************
A number of men in the group thought of their cars, tool sheds, families, workmates, old friends, even relationships with objects such as their television remote, recliner chair, or favorite pair of shoes. To each of these men, these things felt comfortable, and simple. The relationships they had with these people or objects was rewarding and easy to maintain.
When my turn came to identify my ideal relationship, I thought of my dog. My dog has very simple needs, and it is the ultimate ego-boost for me when I get home at night and I am greeted in such an enthusiastic fashion. I don’t know of any others that greet me so enthusiastically night after night. No matter how long I have been away from the house or no matter how my day has been. I call this unconditional love.
So what is unconditional love?
Unconditional love is the type of love that comes without conditions. It is the type of love that you have for your partner when the romantic, hollywood-style love is gone. Once the romantic love is gone you make the transition to "real" love. Real love is love you have for your partner despite the knowledge that they are not perfect. You know your partner has faults. You know your partner is not perfect. You know your partner makes mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay. You still love them. This is unconditional love.
The same thing applies to you however in looking at your partner’s faults. You acknowledge that you are the same. You have faults. You are not perfect. You know you make mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay. That’s called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections that people have.
So what do you get from this then? Should we all go out and get dogs to teach us something about unconditional love? Maybe there is a lesson to be learnt here. We all clutter our lives with trials and tribulations, and there is the temptation to let our issues rule our lives.
But if you are serious about saving your marriage you need to put the clutter to one side and let your unconditional love come through. It is okay to have faults and make mistakes. And love will conquer them all.
Have a think about unconditional love and how you can apply this realization to your relationship.
************************************************************************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.
You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results ... guaranteed.
You have to go to http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com/ and get my course.
Because your marriage deserves better!
*************************************************************************************************************
Sunday, 3 July 2011
Communication Breakdown
It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often, especially when feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.
This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don’t know the first place to begin searching.
Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? "You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better"
I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I’m very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to "organize yourself better" really hurt.
I don’t expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that "I don’t expect you to cook my dinner every night" was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.
So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.
Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.
When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.
We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.
A good lesson to learn, even for the experts…
************************************************************************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.
You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results ... guaranteed.
You have to go to http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com/ and get my course.
Because your marriage deserves better!
*************************************************************************************************************
This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don’t know the first place to begin searching.
Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? "You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better"
I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I’m very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to "organize yourself better" really hurt.
I don’t expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that "I don’t expect you to cook my dinner every night" was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.
So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.
Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.
When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.
We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.
A good lesson to learn, even for the experts…
************************************************************************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.
You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results ... guaranteed.
You have to go to http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com/ and get my course.
Because your marriage deserves better!
*************************************************************************************************************
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